You are not studying
but you are a student
Have you ever been tempted to hide from your parents that you failed an exam?
Have you ever told your housemates about study groups you never attended?
Do you conceal from the outside world that you are not studying?
And this for years and years.
For various reasons, you quit your studies but you may feel shame, fear or insecurity about it.
Don’t hesitate any longer and try to break free from this vicious circle with the help of a dean, student psychologist or me.
For many years I worked as a teacher, trainer, supervisor and study coach with students of the Teacher Training Programme 2nd degree at Hogeschool Rotterdam.
I have done this in various contexts, for example, teaching person development related to professional practice, internship coach, peercoach trainer, supervisor and coach of long-term students.
Teaching and guiding students to become professionals and, in the case of the long-term students, reaching the finish line, has always been my passion. After my recent retirement, it still is.
I love being able to contribute to it.
I am currently working on creating awareness of the existence of the pretend students in Delft.
In cooperation with the five major student associations in Delft, I have started to bring the concept of ‘pretend student’ to their attention. Also I talk to national parties about this.
Anyone who is in any way affected by this, I recommend contacting me.
In the next five quotes, Simon (pseudonym) shares his experiences:“You cover up a lecture you didn’t go to and then the exam you failed. That escalates.
I completely neglected my studies for six months and then I just started looking for other forms of pastimes. Taking long bike rides, walking a bit, wandering around town.”
“It can be pretty lonely. Half the day you don’t see anyone because you are supposedly studying and the other half of the day you talk to people but lie to them.”
“Then I told my girlfriend, who of course was completely shocked. She didn’t think I should have had to lie to her.”
“I deprived myself of the opportunity to have good social contact with people during the period I was lonely.
If I had just been open it would all have been a lot simpler.”
“Above all, make sure you talk to someone about it because you don’t have to lie to anyone. It’s not too late to take a big swing at the wheel. Each day when you are open earlier to the outside world is better.”
Source: ‘Pretending to be a student’ in Leiden
When you have been pretending to study for a (long) time (also known as pretend student), the step of coming out is often very difficult.
It sometimes seems ‘easier’ not to say anything to the outside world. Confessing does not seem like an option. You continue in your old ‘safe’ pattern without breaking out of the vicious circle.
The shame of coming out is too great.
With my counseling experience and motivation for the subject, I want to try to break this pattern with you.
Some questions may help you in the meantime:
– What do you think is the reason for pretending to study?
– What choice(s) preceded this?
– Since when have you been pretending to the outside world?
– What expectations do you have towards me?
During the first session, we will discuss the above-mentioned questions, we will make a customized plan to expose it and we will discuss the possible further progress of your study.
You can expect full dedication, respect, discretion and expertise from me in this.
I hope you will tell your story openly and honestly.